Allie grace

Part 3 (and the final part) of my #DearJune posts. See Days 1-10 here and Days 11-20 here.

Day 21 – Tea

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🍵 #DearJune Day 21: Tea 🍵 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ While I am a coffee drinker first and foremost, I have come to appreciate the restorative power of tea. I often liken myself to Ramona Flowers when listing off the variety I have in my cupboard and on my shelves, I couldn’t fit them all into one space. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Tea is somewhat of a ritualistic thing in the UK. It is associated with certain times, certain events, certain moods. It literally impacts the power grid. I mostly use tea for comfort. The teas piled up in my flat are all fruity and herbal, I get my caffeine fix from coffee, I get my calm fix from tea. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My ritual is a cup of chamomile before bed. I put away my phone, I get out a book, and I spend my last half an hour before I drift off to dream world in perfect contentment with some sleepy tea.

A post shared by Allie Grace (@alliegrce) on Jun 21, 2019 at 7:17am PDT

Day 22 – Space

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💫 #DearJune Day 22: Space 🌙 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My first memories of being obsessed with outer space were at primary school. I had a tendency to enthusiastically latch on to the topics we explored, at one point it was dinosaurs, another obsession was medieval British history, I definitely fancied myself a junior Egyptologist for a while too. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Space is a special thing where the magic doesn’t stop when you grow up. I am just as enchanted, bewildered, and amazed but outer space as I ever was. I know so much more about what stars are, what planets are, what the moon is. But it’s never dulled the intrigue or the beauty of the skies. Even with all the knowledge humans have about the solar system and even beyond, there are many mysteries left to solve. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It’s a bit scary to think of all that unexplored space, and how much of it we’ll never know about. It’s also a bit exciting.

A post shared by Allie Grace (@alliegrce) on Jun 22, 2019 at 8:47am PDT

Day 23 – Diary

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📔 #DearJune Day 23: Diary 📔 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ These are my two diaries (I couldn’t find one once and now I just have two on the go. Both Moomin themed for reasons). I like to keep a diary for three reasons: Improving my writing, Venting and exploring my emotions, and the hope that in the far future my diaries will all be discovered and become an interesting piece of history and I will be posthumously famous. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Keeping a diary makes you oddly vulnerable. Diaries might hold secrets or just emotional processing that you’re not comfortable putting into words for other people. Using my diary for venting nearly ended a friendship in high school. If someone had read my diary during University it definitely would have outed some of my carefully constructed coping mechanisms and boundaries. It seems almost foolish to me that I let so much of myself be discoverable just by picking up a book I keep by my bed (though good luck reading my handwriting). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It is also fun having a diary. I get to write more often, I get to choose the lens I tell my life through, I get to keep a record of all my adventures. I do think keeping a diary has made me a better writer, I think it has helped me to be able to address my experiences more thoughtfully, and most of all it’s just so fun to go back and have a friendly laugh at your younger self over crushes, and short term friend fallouts, and even the strange and silly experiences you’ve had as a fully grown, totally mature, adult – because there will always be times you just want to call someone a butthead.

A post shared by Allie Grace (@alliegrce) on Jun 23, 2019 at 8:55am PDT

Day 24 – Magic

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🧚‍♀️ #DearJune Day 24: Magic 🧚‍♀️ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Magic is hard to define. We have traditional magic: Something supernatural, beyond human and outside the realm of science. But I don’t believe something has to seem impossible to be magical. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Magic can be a feeling. A special moment or a beautiful thing might be magic, even if it is entirely human. Places can be magical. Maybe a breathtaking forest, or a garden lit up with fairy lights at dusk. A shared feeling between friends or partners could feel magical. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Until we find the fairies at the bottom of the garden, the wizards who are just a wand tap on a brick wall away, or Nessy hidden in the depths of her loch, magic might just be the things that bring us joy. Humans are more than just capable of magic; we’re already making it.

A post shared by Allie Grace (@alliegrce) on Jun 24, 2019 at 9:46am PDT

Day 25 – Sunflowers

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🌻 #DearJune Day 25: Sunflowers 🌻 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ People like to say that art must come from suffering. I do believe that it’s becoming a less popular artistic philosophy, but I grew up thinking the best creators were the ones that were unhappy. People like to romanticise sadness, and heartbreak, and pain. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For me, the writing and poetry I did when I was most unhappy is some of the worst writing I have done in my life. When I’m so deeply completely sad I lean into my pretentious streak more heavily than ever, and while what I create is perhaps cathartic or useful for me as an individual. It’s usually not good art. Some creators have created amazing things born from their hardships: I am not one of them. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I worry that some creators will think their art is more important than their joy and their wellbeing. People say that if Van Gogh had not suffered we wouldn’t have his art today, and perhaps the world would be worse off. But I believe Van Gogh was capable of creating beautiful things regardless. I believe the art created out of joy is just as valid as the art created out of pain. I hope no creator ever feels they have to keep themselves down in order to make something incredible.

A post shared by Allie Grace (@alliegrce) on Jun 25, 2019 at 2:00am PDT

Day 26 – Playing

I like structured fun. I was keen on hide and seek and other playground games long after they were popular. Quite honestly, if someone suggested hide and seek today I might still be down for it.
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The next phase of games in primary school was card games and werewolf. When interest in these tapered off I was pretty bummed. Several years later we got to drinking games and boy was I relieved.
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I don’t get bored of these games the way other people seem to. I’m sure part of it is coming to them later, and I feel like they’re different enough each time. I do know that I find it so much easier to socialise through games. So much of my anxiety in social situations is managed by having like… cards to play with. I used to be quite confused that other people got bored by these games and the fun wore off for them. Having reflected on how I’ve felt about games my whole life, and how I feel when someone suggests a game over just sitting around talking, I think it’s just part of the way I am and the way my brain works. It’s not exactly the only aspect of social interaction that’s taken me a while to wrap my head around throughout my life.
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I am a pretty extroverted person, so I will endure unstructured fun and I can definitely begin to enjoy it. But if you ever want to play board games with me, or cards, even jackbox or role playing games, don’t hesitate for a second to invite me along.

Day 27 – Citrus

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🍊 #DearJune Day 27: Citrus 🍊 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ To me, citrus says summer. Most fruit does to be fair. Summer has all the best stuff: swimming, sunshine, fruit, Christmas most years of my life so far (dammit UK), beaches, flowers, less bad depression, gin and tonics drunk in parks, the list goes on. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For a while I thought autumn was my favourite season because I was born in autumn and the colours are stunning. Then I thought maybe winter because I’m a moody little so and so and I do like it an awful lot when it snows. Spring was my favourite when I was younger; I even said my favourite day of the year was the first day of spring. It signified the start of something new, an improvement in the weather, and baby little lambs! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It turns out I was wrong the whole time. Summer is my favourite. I love the warm and the sunshine. I love beaches and meadows. I love how the vitamin D lifts my mood. The only sad thing is, quite often, I have to work.

A post shared by Allie Grace (@alliegrce) on Jun 27, 2019 at 10:48am PDT

Day 28 – Changing

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🕰 #DearJune Day 28: Changing 🕰 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My first instinct for today’s prompt was just to write out the entirety of the lyrics to the song changes but I’m bored on a train so here’s more writing. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I used to resist the idea that I don’t like change, because it always seems to be a bad thing. I’m coming to accept that while I’m actually happy with change more broadly, it does make me apprehensive. This is because I’m a planner. I definitely get bored if there’s no switching things up, but I don’t like a quick switch. If I know it’s coming I can prepare myself and maybe throw together some lists and agendas to make the transition more smooth for myself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Outside of my day to day life I think change can happen frustratingly slow. Earlier this week I attended an event at parliament where an MSP chose to use the word ‘impatient’ when addressing a room full of LGBT activists. I knew what she had meant in context but the word made my heart fall into my stomach. I might not like a quick change, but I’ve been thinking about how I could feel when society is more equal ever since I realised society wasn’t equal. I’m only 23 so there’s many people who have been much more patient than myself waiting for that change. I might be a cautious person, I might like a gradual change and the chance to check in, but there’s some changes we just can not wait any longer to make. ⠀⠀⠀⠀ Anyway, let’s end capitalism.

A post shared by Allie Grace (@alliegrce) on Jun 28, 2019 at 6:50am PDT

Day 29 – Flashes

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💥 #DearJune Day 29: Flashes 💥 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The green flash is a phenomena that occurs just a moment before sunrise or a moment after sunset (sometimes). This flash has been described as “a green which no artist could ever obtain on his palette, a green of which neither the varied tints of vegetation nor the shades of the most limpid sea could ever produce the like! If there is a green in Paradise, it cannot be but of this shade, which most surely is the true green of hope” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It is no surprise that such a thing has inspired myths and superstition though it is, as many unusual phenomena are, entirely explained by science. What delights me is that not a single ounce of its magical quality has been shed due to scientific discovery, at least to me. Ever since I was wee science has never taken away from magic, it has only ever been a different kind of magic. Discovering what causes a mysterious flash that’s not often seen is amazing. It’s incredible to think how things we barely think of create things we build entire myths around. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I hope the green flash does inspire hope, and I hope that somehow it encourages those who see it to make wise decisions. Just because something can be explained by ‘science’, doesn’t mean it isn’t a bit magic too.

A post shared by Allie Grace (@alliegrce) on Jun 29, 2019 at 9:26am PDT

Day 30 – Social

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👫 #DearJune Day 30: Social 👭 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I spend a lot of my time alone. When I’m not alone I’m usually with my partner, or I’m at work. People are often impressed with how comfortable I am going out to dinner, the theatre, or to a movie all by myself. Truly it is a result of convenience with a dash of unyielding fear of being rejected (which I’ll then subconsciously use as evidence that I am secretly widely disliked). It stems more from my lack of confidence in reaching out to people than confidence in myself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I am terribly lonely. Since high school I’ve completely failed to build friendships that meet my needs. I still have virtually no friends I feel really close to in the UK. Most people I have connected with either turned out to just be kinda shitty friends, live nowhere near me (why must you all be in London?), or were so intrinsically tied with university experiences that I haven’t heard from them since (bar awkward cafe run-ins). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Being social is incredibly important to me. Despite my hounding self doubt in regards to being liked I am at heart an extrovert; I draw energy from other people and I feel so much joy when I am with good people. People are surprised when I do something like volunteer flat out at Summer in the City for 3 days straight, or travel to London for one weekend just to go to an all night Disney movie marathon which nearly kills me, but it’s these experiences with these people that really keep me going. Otherwise, I am just alone, always.

A post shared by Allie Grace (@alliegrce) on Jun 30, 2019 at 8:29am PDT